Vigil.
The Catholic deathbed companion.

First

Get the priest — for Confession, Anointing, and Viaticum

If your loved one is conscious and able, the priest will hear their Confession first. Then he gives the Anointing of the Sick — the sacrament once called Extreme Unction — anointing the forehead and hands with holy oil. It strengthens the soul, unites the suffering to Christ's Passion, and forgives sins, even when the person can no longer confess them (James 5:14–15).

Then, if they can still receive, the priest gives Viaticum — Holy Communion as food for the journey home. This, not the Anointing, is the proper sacrament of the dying.

Ask the priest, by name, for the Apostolic Pardon — a blessing that carries a plenary indulgence at the moment of death.

Then

Prepare the room and the heart

• Set a crucifix where it can be seen, and a blessed candle if you have one. Holy water, if there is some in the house.
• Quiet the room. Turn off the television. This is holy ground now.
• Tell them they are loved, that you forgive them anything that needs forgiving, and ask their forgiveness too. Do not leave words unsaid.
• Encourage them to make an act of sorrow for their sins and to entrust themselves to Jesus. If they cannot speak, pray it aloud for them — they can still hear, and the soul prays with you.

Throughout

Pray with them while they can still hear

Pray slowly, and repeat. The familiar prayers reach deepest: the Our Father, the Hail Mary, the Rosary, the Divine Mercy Chaplet. Lay a hand on them. Speak the holy names into their ear:

Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, I give you my heart and my soul.
Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, assist me in my last agony.
Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, may I breathe forth my soul in peace with you. Traditional aspiration for a happy death

Open the prayer book below for the full texts. When the hour grows close, move to “They are dying now.”

Do this

Put the crucifix in their hand. Pray into their ear.

Place a crucifix in their hand or against their lips. Speak slowly, close to the ear, and repeat. If a priest can still come, keep calling — but do not stop praying now.

Into thy hands I commend my spirit: thou hast redeemed me, O Lord, the God of truth. Psalm 30:6 (31:5) · cf. Luke 23:46

Lord, remember me when thou shalt come into thy kingdom. Luke 23:42

And the holy names, again and again, with them or for them: “Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, assist them in this their last agony.”  “Holy Mary, pray for them. Saint Joseph, patron of a happy death, pray for them.”

The Church's prayer

The Commendation of the Dying

This is the prayer the Church puts on the lips of her men at the moment of death. Pray it over them:

Depart, Christian Soul, out of this world,
in the name of God the Father Almighty, who created thee;
in the name of Jesus Christ the Son of the living God, who suffered for thee:
in the name of the Holy Ghost who sanctified thee…

may thy place be this day in peace,
and thy abode in holy Sion.
Through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen. Bishop Challoner’s traditional English of the Church’s Proficiscere — The Garden of the Soul (1812 printing); abridged here, in full below. Challoner renders the Latin freely in places (“who sanctified thee” for qui in te effusus est, “who was poured out upon thee”).

If no priest can come in time

What you, a layman, can still do

You cannot anoint or absolve — only a priest can. But the Church has not left you empty-handed:

• Help them make an Act of Perfect Contrition. Sorrow for sin out of love of God, with the resolve to confess as soon as possible, obtains the forgiveness of even mortal sins for one who cannot reach a priest (CCC §1452). Pray it with them, or for them, aloud.
• The plenary indulgence at the hour of death. Where no priest can be present, “holy mother Church lovingly grants such persons who are rightly disposed a plenary indulgence to be obtained in articulo mortis, at the approach of death, provided they regularly prayed in some way during their lifetime” — and that condition is substituted for the three usual conditions. “The use of a crucifix or a cross is recommended in obtaining this plenary indulgence.”
• Keep vigil. Pray the Commendation, the Rosary, the holy names. Do not leave them to die alone if you can help it.

First — at once

Pray for the soul that has just departed

The soul of your loved one has gone to meet the Lord in its particular judgment (CCC §1021–1022). The most loving thing you can do, right now, is pray for them. Begin here:

Eternal rest grant unto them, O Lord,
and let perpetual light shine upon them.
May they rest in peace. Amen. Requiem aeternam

Come to his assistance, all ye saints of God:
meet him all ye angels of God:
receive his soul, and present it now before its Lord. The traditional responsory after death (Subvenite) in Bishop Challoner’s English — The Garden of the Soul (1812 printing). For a woman, say “her” for “him” and “his.” (The Latin reads “angels of the Lord” and “in the sight of the Most High.”)

Then

Reverence the body. Call the priest.

The body was a temple of the Holy Spirit and will rise again (1 Corinthians 6:19; CCC §1004). Treat it with reverence — you may close the eyes, fold the hands around a crucifix or rosary, and keep the room quiet for prayer.

If a priest was not present at the death, call one now. He can pray the prayers for the dead and help your family begin. Note: the Code of Canon Law provides that this sacrament “is to be administered in a case of doubt whether the sick person … is dead” (c. 1005), so tell the priest how recently death appeared to occur. He will pray the commendation. There is still much the Church does for the newly departed.

In the days ahead

The great work of Catholic mourning: have Masses offered

Our prayers, almsgiving, and above all the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass truly help the faithful departed in their purification (CCC §1030–1032; 2 Maccabees 12:46). This is the most powerful thing you can do for them now:

• Ask your parish to offer Masses for the repose of their soul. Many give a card you can keep.
• Consider the traditional Gregorian Masses — thirty Masses on thirty consecutive days for one soul.
• Keep praying the Eternal Rest daily, and the Rosary. Do not let grief silence prayer; let it become prayer.

And remember the Church's hope: “Life is changed, not ended.” (Roman Missal, Preface for the Dead).

The sacraments — while you are well

Do not wait until you are unconscious

• Live in the state of grace. Frequent Confession and Sunday Mass are the ordinary armor. A man who confesses monthly is rarely far from a good death.
• Anointing of the Sick is for serious illness — not only the final breath. When a Catholic begins to be in danger from sickness, surgery, or old age, call the priest then (CCC §1514–1515). It can be repeated if the condition worsens. Do not let a family member slip into a coma before you call.
• Tell your family your wishes now — that you want a priest, the Last Rites, and a Catholic funeral. Write it down. In the crisis, no one should have to guess.

The moral ground

A Catholic at the end of life

The Church teaches that we must never directly take an innocent life, including our own — euthanasia and assisted suicide are gravely contrary to the moral law (CCC §2276–2279). But she does not demand that life be prolonged by every means at any cost. One may, in good conscience, refuse burdensome, extraordinary, or disproportionate treatment and accept death as it comes (CCC §2278). Ordinary care — including food and water where they still benefit the patient — is owed. When in doubt, ask a faithful priest. Make these decisions before the crisis, in a Catholic advance directive.

Devotions for a happy death

Build the habit of dying well now

• St. Joseph, who by pious tradition died in the arms of Jesus and Mary, is the patron of a happy death. Entrust your death to him daily.
• Pray the “Jesus, Mary, Joseph” aspiration each night — make it the prayer your soul knows by heart, so it is on your lips at the end.
• The Brown Scapular and the Divine Mercy devotion both carry promises for the dying given in private revelation. Learn them, live them.
• Keep a crucifix where you will die — beside the bed. The last thing a Christian's eyes should rest on is the Cross that saved him.